Saturday, July 24, 2010

Nice Quote: "Happiness is a specific. Misery is a generalization. People usually know exactly why they are happy. They very rarely know why they are miserable."

Talked with her yesterday. Lol it's just like a rewinding of previous times when we broke and patched... starting very cold and awkward. With her I never felt like I had a clean break before. I think I can sorta understand what she's feeling. When I left my ex Evelyn, I kinda regretted, and would stare at her msn nick sometimes and really want to talk to her, but something just held me back. After sometime I gave up totally and moved on because things dragged for too long and I lost hope and interest; I was always ready to get back with her, but I got no positive signals. However, with this cwab, she seems to always come and poke me on bright moony days after a period of silence. It's like periodically clinging on to make sure I'm still there. And somehow, once she pokes me, the wall just collapses; there seems to be an inexplicable attraction between the two of us. My softness always leads me to think that there is still hope left: hope that one day she'll understand where I was coming from and where we needed to head to; hope that we might actually get to find solutions to all troubles.

Yesterday on msn, I didn't wanna be so cold, but I just didnt know where to start after such a long period of silence. I'm unsure of what she feels also. I wonder if she still has feelings for me after a third breakup and almost a month's absence. I dun wanna make any unnecessary moves (sounds like a crab moving only backwards or sideways but never forward) if she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. Somehow the feeling I think both of us are experiencing now is that of reluctance. I think she's also feeling lost as well, but I could be wrong. I need to know what she's truly feeling so I can make the appropriate decisions. Sadly, her busy working days aren't giving her the time needed to think (now i'm really thinking twice about teaching, as I might not have enough time for my lover.) In the midst of hesitation, uncertainty, and fear, let's all have a little hope and optimism then! And well, I might actually grab books from books actually too!

Btw... someone's been listenin to my blogsongs for darn long, repeatedly last night. Lemme calculate... replayed about 500mb of bandwidth, divided by 30 = looped all the 6 songs about 16+ times!! I wonder who is it?

Oh wow Linda's status is now 'married' to her bf!! Congrats gurl! (If you readers don't remember, Linda is my friend who has the same get-together and breakup date, and same number of breakups as me.) The power of love is really infinitely stronger than anything; but she also put in some effort on her part la. She was whining 24/7 on facebook about missing him and wanting him back... if I were the guy I'd get such an earnest lover back as well (but it surprises me how earnest aquariuses actually are... I used to think they were ice queens.) I'm proud I know a friend with such undying spirit and courage, and am happy for her!