Saturday, July 31, 2010
Blogging is a form of communication. Of course there are other mediums, like gmail, of which someone is on right at this time I'm typing this post. If I stop blogging one day, it can only mean a few things, of which I won't tell u! It's not hard to guess anyway. Tuition starts soon!
KFC cheesy meltz, cheese fries, whipped potato, coleslaw, 7UP, Flaming chilli chicken wings, and hazelnut ice cream after that for supper is damn imba!
Friday, July 30, 2010
time flies... I just did tuition last saturday and tmr I'm gona have to teach again O_O. Ridiculous... the past week's almost like a dream. Why time passes so fast?! gona school reopen soon...
Thursday, July 29, 2010
How do we battle hatred? A question: If we stood before our enemy, how would we react? I have no idea what I would do... I don't make any enemies. To have an enemy is to have a prolonged hatred for something, and I find that silly, immature, and superficial. I have come to believe that it is impossible for hatred to not exist. What we can do is perhaps lighten the intensity and duration of it. For me, any hate I experience does not last long, because I choose to be simple. I choose to forgive and forget. I tell myself, that there is no end to perpetuating the cycle of hatred, so let it come and go without much fuss, without asking why. We'd all be much happier people that way, if we could minimize prolonged hatred for others.
Naruto anime points this out: words of forgiveness come easy, love does not. I guess this refers to loving one's enemy. I don't believe it can't be done. The secret lies in giving in, even though it makes one seem weak and soft-hearted. I want to believe that some people have actually truly forgiven their enemies, just that their dignity prevents them from admitting that they have; they want to put up a tough exterior to demonstrate their cause... but to what ends? Why keep up that hostility? I can't see a point, and I never will. Perhaps it's a fear of rejection, of disapproval or rebuttal. Perhaps it's a sense of guilt as well - guilt of even partaking in the cycle of hatred - that prevents one party from extending his/her hand to the other and say "I have forgiven you and I love you, my enemy (-.-)". It is a subconscious fear that doing so is degradable, and hence our pride perpetuates the rift. There will always be hatred in this world, partly because not many have the refinement to subdue their own hatred. The fact that one even has to subdue it shows how intrinsic hatred is as an emotion in our lives. To live and love is to risk experiencing hatred. Perhaps the key to being a peacemaker lies in not forgetting that little child within us(for girls, no, it does not mean you have to be pregnant. Ok bad joke.)
Naruto anime points this out: words of forgiveness come easy, love does not. I guess this refers to loving one's enemy. I don't believe it can't be done. The secret lies in giving in, even though it makes one seem weak and soft-hearted. I want to believe that some people have actually truly forgiven their enemies, just that their dignity prevents them from admitting that they have; they want to put up a tough exterior to demonstrate their cause... but to what ends? Why keep up that hostility? I can't see a point, and I never will. Perhaps it's a fear of rejection, of disapproval or rebuttal. Perhaps it's a sense of guilt as well - guilt of even partaking in the cycle of hatred - that prevents one party from extending his/her hand to the other and say "I have forgiven you and I love you, my enemy (-.-)". It is a subconscious fear that doing so is degradable, and hence our pride perpetuates the rift. There will always be hatred in this world, partly because not many have the refinement to subdue their own hatred. The fact that one even has to subdue it shows how intrinsic hatred is as an emotion in our lives. To live and love is to risk experiencing hatred. Perhaps the key to being a peacemaker lies in not forgetting that little child within us(for girls, no, it does not mean you have to be pregnant. Ok bad joke.)
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
holy cow, priya helped me register ALL the lit mods! the science mod is on waitlist OMGGG. ROX LA!!!!!!!!!!! Oh but my science mod got put as a UE!!! Die la... must reclassify but I don't know how! Maybe a vanilla sweet might help.
I gamed abit and paused the movie 1900 for awhile. Now on resuming, it seems this talent 1900 saw a girl one day on the ship, and played the most romantic, tear-jerking piece of music ever while looking at her. He was in love. He tried to reach her. He went to the women's bunk to look at her, admiring her, and leant down for a kiss. He was just like a little boy, inexperienced, shy, fearful; that's when love's the most interesting and adventurous. They had to part, and the only thing she gave him was her address. Finally, 1900 decided to leave the ship in search of her. When his best friend said goodbye, this sentence hit me: "How many people have I seen saying goodbye without giving a damn? But when I said goodbye to 1900, it was a real blow. We laughed, we kept saying see you soon, but inside we both knew we'd never see each other again." Sigh... damn sad sia... people all just made use of him to get beautiful music and sell it to earn money. He needed to get off that superficial ship! Departures are always sad... we lapse into denial that this isn't the last time we'll be seeing each other, but what's the reality?
Another sentence that caught me came when 1900 was almost about to step on land, but he didn't. He paused and surveyed the mechanization of the city, the pollution clouds, and went back onto the ship: "He was strange for a long time after that. He wouldn't talk to anyone. He preferred to keep it to himself for days and days. He seemed taken by very personal matters." This, reminds me of her... especially when the narrator continues to tell us that one day 1900 suddenly was all cheerful again and thanked him for the cloak, saying "I'm much better now, I'm done with all that". The next scene shows 1900 back to playing the piano passionately, as if nothing had happened before. What a bizzare fellow! He seems so in touch with the finer side of human nature that he's all innocent and pure, not caught up by rules or war or arguments. However, he's always silent, emo, pensive and eccentric :/ Around 15minutes before the end of the movie, 1900 said this about the city: "I just couldn't see an end to it." He refused to get famous by spreading his music around because firstly, he believes his music goes where he goes. Secondly, he thinks fame and fortune only brings out the negative side in people. He elaborates this at 1.47 of the movie: "It's not what I saw Max... it's what I didn't see... With all that sprawling city there was everything except an end."
Next is an inspiring long talk which tells us that we must believe in ourselves and not be narrow minded: "There are only 88 keys on a piano...They are not infinite. You are infinite. And on those keys the music that you can make is infinite. That I can live by.... How do you even choose one woman... one house... all that world weighing down on you, you don't even know where it comes to an end... I was born on this ship, and the world passed me by 2000 people at a time. I played out a happiness but on a piano that was not infinite. I learned to live that way. Land? Land is a ship too big for me. Is a woman too beautiful for me... at best, I can step off my life. After all I don't exist for anyone, with you as an exception. You're the only one who knows I'm here." At this point Max is breaking down in tears coz 1900 won't get off the ship, and will perish because the ship is going to be destroyed and blown up. The next shot starts with a bottom-up view of 1900 standing tall, then max walks in, and they embrace. I think the purpose of this is to show how they triumph over the world... how great the two of them are such that the everyone must look up to them. 1900 played a song on an imaginary piano before the ship blew up. The last lines that were said by the shop owner that Max was telling his story to were: "a good story's worth more than an old trumpet." This is an amazingly moving and meaningful movie!! One of the above phrases brings a thought to my mind: Sometimes it's not what people do, but what they don't do, that's worrying.
Well then!! I have a good story too! But I won't tell it to you bleah :P
Another sentence that caught me came when 1900 was almost about to step on land, but he didn't. He paused and surveyed the mechanization of the city, the pollution clouds, and went back onto the ship: "He was strange for a long time after that. He wouldn't talk to anyone. He preferred to keep it to himself for days and days. He seemed taken by very personal matters." This, reminds me of her... especially when the narrator continues to tell us that one day 1900 suddenly was all cheerful again and thanked him for the cloak, saying "I'm much better now, I'm done with all that". The next scene shows 1900 back to playing the piano passionately, as if nothing had happened before. What a bizzare fellow! He seems so in touch with the finer side of human nature that he's all innocent and pure, not caught up by rules or war or arguments. However, he's always silent, emo, pensive and eccentric :/ Around 15minutes before the end of the movie, 1900 said this about the city: "I just couldn't see an end to it." He refused to get famous by spreading his music around because firstly, he believes his music goes where he goes. Secondly, he thinks fame and fortune only brings out the negative side in people. He elaborates this at 1.47 of the movie: "It's not what I saw Max... it's what I didn't see... With all that sprawling city there was everything except an end."
Next is an inspiring long talk which tells us that we must believe in ourselves and not be narrow minded: "There are only 88 keys on a piano...They are not infinite. You are infinite. And on those keys the music that you can make is infinite. That I can live by.... How do you even choose one woman... one house... all that world weighing down on you, you don't even know where it comes to an end... I was born on this ship, and the world passed me by 2000 people at a time. I played out a happiness but on a piano that was not infinite. I learned to live that way. Land? Land is a ship too big for me. Is a woman too beautiful for me... at best, I can step off my life. After all I don't exist for anyone, with you as an exception. You're the only one who knows I'm here." At this point Max is breaking down in tears coz 1900 won't get off the ship, and will perish because the ship is going to be destroyed and blown up. The next shot starts with a bottom-up view of 1900 standing tall, then max walks in, and they embrace. I think the purpose of this is to show how they triumph over the world... how great the two of them are such that the everyone must look up to them. 1900 played a song on an imaginary piano before the ship blew up. The last lines that were said by the shop owner that Max was telling his story to were: "a good story's worth more than an old trumpet." This is an amazingly moving and meaningful movie!! One of the above phrases brings a thought to my mind: Sometimes it's not what people do, but what they don't do, that's worrying.
Well then!! I have a good story too! But I won't tell it to you bleah :P
Monday, July 26, 2010
peaceful
beautiful sentence from the movie 1900, rated 9/10 by ppfilm: "I think land people waste alot of time wondering why... meant to come and it'll come... wait for summer, summer comes and we dread for winter. That's why we never tire of travelling, with chasing someplace faraway where it's always summer. Doesnt sound like a good bet to me."
This was said by the pianist who was born on a ship and never set food on land for 27 years, when his friend asked him to try getting off board for at least once. That friend said the world was waiting for him, that he could make big bucks and find a wife. The pianist's answer above makes me feel at peace with everything. He gives me the feeling that he likes staying on the ship and playing music for others to hear while his mind travels to all the places he's visited but never set foot on. He stays, and never leaves. Why force and rush things? Sometimes there's no need to ask why. Sometimes things just happen. This led me to do a little self-reflection, and I realized I asked why too much as well. Ok then! Inspired by this movie at 43minutes into it, I shall live life as it comes!
At 51 minutes, 1900 is playing music on the piano based on inspiration. He looks at people and plays the music that suits them, telling his friend: "can't you hear his music? That guy looks like he cant forget everything. Listen to his music. It's like he's bursting with memories and there's nothing he can do about it." Incredible.. I love this movie man, it's so meaningful. At 54minutes, 1900 makes a phone call to an anonymous lady, asking to talk about anything. She was offended and slammed down the phone. Poor guy... he's lonely and I really empathize with him. Let's see what's next!
Someone challenges 1900 to a piano duel, and that rich guy is flaunting away in front of the reporters, claiming he would thrash 1900 flat. 1900's friend asked him if he was scared. 1900 replied: "I don't know. Why duel? What happens when you have a duel?" Omg he's what I call enlightened man. The commentator said about the new guy: "He did not play, he carressed those notes. He sounded like a silk slip sliding down a woman's body; his hands were butterflies... Oh did he learn to stroke the keyboard in those whorehouses. People doing the deed upstairs didn't want any uproar. They wanted music that would slip behind the curtains and underneath the beds without disturbing the passion. That's the kind of music he was playing, and in that he truly was the best." Wow, 1900 sure has a rival! But what's more interesting is the sexual way they describe the playing of piano LOL!
Wow after the new guy did an amazing jazz performance, 1900 played a jazz version of 'silent night', and everyone was laughing at him and criticizing him. Only a few people saw the real talent in him. He doesnt need to win just by playing another jazz song better. He wins with his enlightened mind that isn't confined by boundaries or restricted to narrow perceptions! WOw the third piece of music the new guy played was fraught with rapid notes and impulsive feelings. He was crying at the end of the piece, and I could almost feel like it was his life story filled with ups and downs banged out on the keys, a venting of frustration. Let's see what 1900 plays next. OMG. 1900 said "u asked for it asshole", and really started getting serious! He played as if 2 people were playing at the same time... until he was sweating. Amazing... I'm shivering at the music man.
This was said by the pianist who was born on a ship and never set food on land for 27 years, when his friend asked him to try getting off board for at least once. That friend said the world was waiting for him, that he could make big bucks and find a wife. The pianist's answer above makes me feel at peace with everything. He gives me the feeling that he likes staying on the ship and playing music for others to hear while his mind travels to all the places he's visited but never set foot on. He stays, and never leaves. Why force and rush things? Sometimes there's no need to ask why. Sometimes things just happen. This led me to do a little self-reflection, and I realized I asked why too much as well. Ok then! Inspired by this movie at 43minutes into it, I shall live life as it comes!
At 51 minutes, 1900 is playing music on the piano based on inspiration. He looks at people and plays the music that suits them, telling his friend: "can't you hear his music? That guy looks like he cant forget everything. Listen to his music. It's like he's bursting with memories and there's nothing he can do about it." Incredible.. I love this movie man, it's so meaningful. At 54minutes, 1900 makes a phone call to an anonymous lady, asking to talk about anything. She was offended and slammed down the phone. Poor guy... he's lonely and I really empathize with him. Let's see what's next!
Someone challenges 1900 to a piano duel, and that rich guy is flaunting away in front of the reporters, claiming he would thrash 1900 flat. 1900's friend asked him if he was scared. 1900 replied: "I don't know. Why duel? What happens when you have a duel?" Omg he's what I call enlightened man. The commentator said about the new guy: "He did not play, he carressed those notes. He sounded like a silk slip sliding down a woman's body; his hands were butterflies... Oh did he learn to stroke the keyboard in those whorehouses. People doing the deed upstairs didn't want any uproar. They wanted music that would slip behind the curtains and underneath the beds without disturbing the passion. That's the kind of music he was playing, and in that he truly was the best." Wow, 1900 sure has a rival! But what's more interesting is the sexual way they describe the playing of piano LOL!
Wow after the new guy did an amazing jazz performance, 1900 played a jazz version of 'silent night', and everyone was laughing at him and criticizing him. Only a few people saw the real talent in him. He doesnt need to win just by playing another jazz song better. He wins with his enlightened mind that isn't confined by boundaries or restricted to narrow perceptions! WOw the third piece of music the new guy played was fraught with rapid notes and impulsive feelings. He was crying at the end of the piece, and I could almost feel like it was his life story filled with ups and downs banged out on the keys, a venting of frustration. Let's see what 1900 plays next. OMG. 1900 said "u asked for it asshole", and really started getting serious! He played as if 2 people were playing at the same time... until he was sweating. Amazing... I'm shivering at the music man.
WO YAO DA SHI GE!!!! A recent New Year chinese movie parodied this Ip Man slogan, and it was hilarious. I wonder what's the reason for really wanting to share something nice with another? Wow time flies. A day passed yesterday without me even noticing it. Just game all the way. I still remembered I wanted to watch some movies... in the end no time to watch even. Phew... Oh well, I got nothing much to blog about today. TMR!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
WHOA
LMAO I MUST blog about this dream!!!!! It's almost bizzare LOLOLOLOL. Last night, I dreamt that I married her, but let me tell u how. I only remember I was at her JB house hangin around. Before that we had some ordeal or something, I can't really remember... and she got turned into a very fat woman. Everybody was saying 'but u said u loved her'. That night I made the decision that showed that true love conquered all, and agreed to marry her. Next morning... I was magically at my condo, and I came down to a huge, massive crowd at the pavilion, but strangely I was dressed in T-shirt, Bermudas, and sports shoes. I only realized I was in the wrong outfit sometime later, then I rushed back to my old house in Yishun at block 271, entered the house, only to realize I was in the wrong house!! I then rushed back to yishun emerald and changed properly... when I was about to step out of the house.. I saw my bride there... and surprisingly... as if the spell had been broken... she was her usual beautiful self again!!! LOOOOOOOOOOOL. I got woken up for lunch at about 3pm and the dream ended. HAHA. Looks like she's not the only one to get battish dreams now and then xD
New Pokemon Black and White reveals a new BAT pokemon to replace ZUBAT!! It's called Koromori: http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Koromori_(Pok%C3%A9mon) Imbat cute... now I have a new idea of how to draw bat wings!
Physiology
Koromori is a white, shaggy creature, resembling the head of a fruit bat. It has a piggish, large nose with a nostril in the shape of a heart. Its eyes are hidden behind two shaggy tufts of fur. It has a large mouth with a single fang, and two relatively small wings on either side of it.
New Pokemon Black and White reveals a new BAT pokemon to replace ZUBAT!! It's called Koromori: http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Koromori_(Pok%C3%A9mon) Imbat cute... now I have a new idea of how to draw bat wings!
Physiology
Koromori is a white, shaggy creature, resembling the head of a fruit bat. It has a piggish, large nose with a nostril in the shape of a heart. Its eyes are hidden behind two shaggy tufts of fur. It has a large mouth with a single fang, and two relatively small wings on either side of it.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
BREAKING UP the ice
Nice Quote: "Happiness is a specific. Misery is a generalization. People usually know exactly why they are happy. They very rarely know why they are miserable."
Talked with her yesterday. Lol it's just like a rewinding of previous times when we broke and patched... starting very cold and awkward. With her I never felt like I had a clean break before. I think I can sorta understand what she's feeling. When I left my ex Evelyn, I kinda regretted, and would stare at her msn nick sometimes and really want to talk to her, but something just held me back. After sometime I gave up totally and moved on because things dragged for too long and I lost hope and interest; I was always ready to get back with her, but I got no positive signals. However, with this cwab, she seems to always come and poke me on bright moony days after a period of silence. It's like periodically clinging on to make sure I'm still there. And somehow, once she pokes me, the wall just collapses; there seems to be an inexplicable attraction between the two of us. My softness always leads me to think that there is still hope left: hope that one day she'll understand where I was coming from and where we needed to head to; hope that we might actually get to find solutions to all troubles.
Yesterday on msn, I didn't wanna be so cold, but I just didnt know where to start after such a long period of silence. I'm unsure of what she feels also. I wonder if she still has feelings for me after a third breakup and almost a month's absence. I dun wanna make any unnecessary moves (sounds like a crab moving only backwards or sideways but never forward) if she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. Somehow the feeling I think both of us are experiencing now is that of reluctance. I think she's also feeling lost as well, but I could be wrong. I need to know what she's truly feeling so I can make the appropriate decisions. Sadly, her busy working days aren't giving her the time needed to think (now i'm really thinking twice about teaching, as I might not have enough time for my lover.) In the midst of hesitation, uncertainty, and fear, let's all have a little hope and optimism then! And well, I might actually grab books from books actually too!
Btw... someone's been listenin to my blogsongs for darn long, repeatedly last night. Lemme calculate... replayed about 500mb of bandwidth, divided by 30 = looped all the 6 songs about 16+ times!! I wonder who is it?
Oh wow Linda's status is now 'married' to her bf!! Congrats gurl! (If you readers don't remember, Linda is my friend who has the same get-together and breakup date, and same number of breakups as me.) The power of love is really infinitely stronger than anything; but she also put in some effort on her part la. She was whining 24/7 on facebook about missing him and wanting him back... if I were the guy I'd get such an earnest lover back as well (but it surprises me how earnest aquariuses actually are... I used to think they were ice queens.) I'm proud I know a friend with such undying spirit and courage, and am happy for her!
Talked with her yesterday. Lol it's just like a rewinding of previous times when we broke and patched... starting very cold and awkward. With her I never felt like I had a clean break before. I think I can sorta understand what she's feeling. When I left my ex Evelyn, I kinda regretted, and would stare at her msn nick sometimes and really want to talk to her, but something just held me back. After sometime I gave up totally and moved on because things dragged for too long and I lost hope and interest; I was always ready to get back with her, but I got no positive signals. However, with this cwab, she seems to always come and poke me on bright moony days after a period of silence. It's like periodically clinging on to make sure I'm still there. And somehow, once she pokes me, the wall just collapses; there seems to be an inexplicable attraction between the two of us. My softness always leads me to think that there is still hope left: hope that one day she'll understand where I was coming from and where we needed to head to; hope that we might actually get to find solutions to all troubles.
Yesterday on msn, I didn't wanna be so cold, but I just didnt know where to start after such a long period of silence. I'm unsure of what she feels also. I wonder if she still has feelings for me after a third breakup and almost a month's absence. I dun wanna make any unnecessary moves (sounds like a crab moving only backwards or sideways but never forward) if she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. Somehow the feeling I think both of us are experiencing now is that of reluctance. I think she's also feeling lost as well, but I could be wrong. I need to know what she's truly feeling so I can make the appropriate decisions. Sadly, her busy working days aren't giving her the time needed to think (now i'm really thinking twice about teaching, as I might not have enough time for my lover.) In the midst of hesitation, uncertainty, and fear, let's all have a little hope and optimism then! And well, I might actually grab books from books actually too!
Btw... someone's been listenin to my blogsongs for darn long, repeatedly last night. Lemme calculate... replayed about 500mb of bandwidth, divided by 30 = looped all the 6 songs about 16+ times!! I wonder who is it?
Oh wow Linda's status is now 'married' to her bf!! Congrats gurl! (If you readers don't remember, Linda is my friend who has the same get-together and breakup date, and same number of breakups as me.) The power of love is really infinitely stronger than anything; but she also put in some effort on her part la. She was whining 24/7 on facebook about missing him and wanting him back... if I were the guy I'd get such an earnest lover back as well (but it surprises me how earnest aquariuses actually are... I used to think they were ice queens.) I'm proud I know a friend with such undying spirit and courage, and am happy for her!
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1454875085243
The REAL Ip man! LOLOLOLOL. ღ(◕‿◕｡)ღ
The REAL Ip man! LOLOLOLOL. ღ(◕‿◕｡)ღ
Thursday, July 22, 2010
More songs
Nice quote of the day: "It is not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and then do your best" - W. Edwards Deming
LMAOOOOO Mazlynnah said this on facebook: "say the reason you live is for me, say it", and Carmen replied: "the reason you live is for me, it". LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I nearly died laughing!! Damn cheeky!!!!
Added 2 new songs to the blog! First is a remix of "Almost Lover", an immensely emo song that my friend intro-ed! I placed this song at the first slot, because it's nicer and more meaningful than "Need You Now". Second new song is "Somebody's Baby", a chirpy oldie that's very catchy! To soften the emo mood the previous songs would have created, I put this song at the last slot! In total, these 6 songs are some of the nicest/most emo romantic songs in my opinion!
This next song that Linda posted is not as nice as the songs I've put on my blog, but the lyrics are so meaningful that I can't help but put them down here. The reason I don't wanna put it on this blog is because it does not create an emotional link with me. It does not represent what I feel/believe in. For one, I do not get angry/blame others "for everything I just couldn't do" (a.k.a my incompetence). Following that, I don't leave people only to say in the future "if only i knew what i know today". This song is only for those with regrets. Obviously Linda is regretting leaving... it's amazing how much a song can tell about what a person is thinking/feeling. Therefore, I would like to share it with you readers, so you can feel what she feels in advance, and not make the same mistake in your own relationships. Below is the link to this song, I uploaded it specially for you! (Sorry, the hyperlink isn't working, you gotta copy/paste it into your browser tab)
http://www.mdn.fm/files/164948_ddogr/Christina_Aguilera_-_Hurt.mp3
Christina Aguilera - Hurt
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you
LMAOOOOO Mazlynnah said this on facebook: "say the reason you live is for me, say it", and Carmen replied: "the reason you live is for me, it". LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I nearly died laughing!! Damn cheeky!!!!
Added 2 new songs to the blog! First is a remix of "Almost Lover", an immensely emo song that my friend intro-ed! I placed this song at the first slot, because it's nicer and more meaningful than "Need You Now". Second new song is "Somebody's Baby", a chirpy oldie that's very catchy! To soften the emo mood the previous songs would have created, I put this song at the last slot! In total, these 6 songs are some of the nicest/most emo romantic songs in my opinion!
This next song that Linda posted is not as nice as the songs I've put on my blog, but the lyrics are so meaningful that I can't help but put them down here. The reason I don't wanna put it on this blog is because it does not create an emotional link with me. It does not represent what I feel/believe in. For one, I do not get angry/blame others "for everything I just couldn't do" (a.k.a my incompetence). Following that, I don't leave people only to say in the future "if only i knew what i know today". This song is only for those with regrets. Obviously Linda is regretting leaving... it's amazing how much a song can tell about what a person is thinking/feeling. Therefore, I would like to share it with you readers, so you can feel what she feels in advance, and not make the same mistake in your own relationships. Below is the link to this song, I uploaded it specially for you! (Sorry, the hyperlink isn't working, you gotta copy/paste it into your browser tab)
http://www.mdn.fm/files/164948_ddogr/Christina_Aguilera_-_Hurt.mp3
Christina Aguilera - Hurt
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that
I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you
Facebook post by Joyce: "We all weep a little when faced with rejection & hurt. We cling onto those feeling the same way, in hope of comfort and understanding. But eventually, we will realize that no one is really giving good advice and no one is really listening. We all just want to dwell in that dark hole for a little longer because we're terrified of what else lies ahead."
Wow... she nailed it on the head lol, especially about the part where no one is really listening. Told u peeps, most people just can't be bothered; it's never the same. However, there are people who go through life without realizing anything at all, or in some cases choose not to realize. Is ignorance really bliss then?
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Goin down for a swimmy. While packin the stuff to bring down... I Saw something familiar... a red/white swimsuit. Wonder when I should return it to her. Or maybe I should keep it till it needs to be used again...? Lol wadever. Off to swim!
-after swimming-
Woo swimming rox! It's so relaxing and I can have the freedom to think and be tired. Wait a min being tired aint fun. Somebody stole my slippers that I bought from NTU, which I placed at my doorstep. STEALING SLIPPERS!?! What's the world coming to man. Yesterday my sis quarreled with neighbour, because she was playing the grand piano in the living room, and the neighbour complained that it was very noisy. Sis didn't give in and said which law states that she cannot play piano. Sigh... stubbornness and ego... what's wrong with my sis man. We should all learn to give in at times, so an amiable atmosphere can be maintained. While all the shouting went on outside, I stayed in my lil cave and enjoyed the peace, quiet, and coziness. No more quarrels for me thanks.
Which leads me and my family to wonder if the neighbour discarded the slippers in a petty attempt to get back at my sis. Ahhhh what sweet(?) revenge... throwing away the slippers of your enemy. Well done. The chinese saying: Yuan yuan xiang bao he shi liao? There's no end to hatred and revenge and whatever. Might as well be humble and give in; and if my sis can compromise a little and play piano at times which won't disturb the neighbour, then an accommodative solution would have been formed. Wooh I feel like a whole layer has been shed off me, and am super refreshed now! (^_^)
Whatever negative emotions experienced in a quarrel only exists within that quarrel, and shouldn't be taken as a whole. Dota brings out the ugly side in people. As another friend corrected me, it brings out the TRUE side of people. That friend even elaborated that anything we're passionate about brings out the true side in us, and I found that sentence to be very meaningful. Food for thought! For me, dota or anything I'm passionate about brings out the meticulous, idealistic side in me, where I get disappointed if things don't go according to what is/could have been the ideal situation. I guess I still have alot to learn as well, and I'll share it with whoever that reads this bloggy!
Wow... she nailed it on the head lol, especially about the part where no one is really listening. Told u peeps, most people just can't be bothered; it's never the same. However, there are people who go through life without realizing anything at all, or in some cases choose not to realize. Is ignorance really bliss then?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Goin down for a swimmy. While packin the stuff to bring down... I Saw something familiar... a red/white swimsuit. Wonder when I should return it to her. Or maybe I should keep it till it needs to be used again...? Lol wadever. Off to swim!
-after swimming-
Woo swimming rox! It's so relaxing and I can have the freedom to think and be tired. Wait a min being tired aint fun. Somebody stole my slippers that I bought from NTU, which I placed at my doorstep. STEALING SLIPPERS!?! What's the world coming to man. Yesterday my sis quarreled with neighbour, because she was playing the grand piano in the living room, and the neighbour complained that it was very noisy. Sis didn't give in and said which law states that she cannot play piano. Sigh... stubbornness and ego... what's wrong with my sis man. We should all learn to give in at times, so an amiable atmosphere can be maintained. While all the shouting went on outside, I stayed in my lil cave and enjoyed the peace, quiet, and coziness. No more quarrels for me thanks.
Which leads me and my family to wonder if the neighbour discarded the slippers in a petty attempt to get back at my sis. Ahhhh what sweet(?) revenge... throwing away the slippers of your enemy. Well done. The chinese saying: Yuan yuan xiang bao he shi liao? There's no end to hatred and revenge and whatever. Might as well be humble and give in; and if my sis can compromise a little and play piano at times which won't disturb the neighbour, then an accommodative solution would have been formed. Wooh I feel like a whole layer has been shed off me, and am super refreshed now! (^_^)
Whatever negative emotions experienced in a quarrel only exists within that quarrel, and shouldn't be taken as a whole. Dota brings out the ugly side in people. As another friend corrected me, it brings out the TRUE side of people. That friend even elaborated that anything we're passionate about brings out the true side in us, and I found that sentence to be very meaningful. Food for thought! For me, dota or anything I'm passionate about brings out the meticulous, idealistic side in me, where I get disappointed if things don't go according to what is/could have been the ideal situation. I guess I still have alot to learn as well, and I'll share it with whoever that reads this bloggy!
My friend likes the songs on my blog! I duno where to start when talking about songs. For me, liking a song has to do with whether it gets in touch with your emotions. I love soulful songs, with nice soothing melodies and angelic voices. Most of these songs tend toward the romantic side, or RnB genre. She would use to just listen to the song's melody and not really take note of the lyrics; that's her, she can focus so much on one thing and be so good at it. And she would always pick songs that corresponded to her mood at that specific time, though she denies it.
A picture paints a thousand words, but songs give you that emotional link, and it creates the mood and atmosphere. Uplifting songs make you happy, emo songs make you sad; and the good thing about being emo is that you don't lose track of the past. Nostalgia is part of being emo, and I find that life has meaning only when we experience our fair share of sadness. Songs can also revive memories, reveal certain truths that we ourselves cannot see, help us dream or envision the future, and be used as a form of expression. I used to pick songs that fit the expression of love I wanted to give to her; I took note of the lyrics and what they were saying, and only when one is able to appreciate lyric and melody as a whole, can the entire meaning and impact of the song be felt.
I hadn't thought about this before, but there suddenly seems to be something in the order of songs on my blog. Though it's just a random arrangement, where I put the song i liked best in front, now it kinda seems to me like the order is telling me something: that all good things come to an end. The starting song is one of the saddest songs I know of, second only to Whiskey Lullaby maybe. It talks of love, longing, and loss. This degenerates (even though Bruno Mars's song is cheerful) to 'Count on Me', which talks about friends, and I can't help but cross-refer Nelly Furtado's song "All Good Things", which contains the chorus: "Flames to Dust, Lovers to Friends, Why do all good things come to an end?"
Gosh, blogging does seem to help My Brain keep active and ready for school in about a month's time!
A picture paints a thousand words, but songs give you that emotional link, and it creates the mood and atmosphere. Uplifting songs make you happy, emo songs make you sad; and the good thing about being emo is that you don't lose track of the past. Nostalgia is part of being emo, and I find that life has meaning only when we experience our fair share of sadness. Songs can also revive memories, reveal certain truths that we ourselves cannot see, help us dream or envision the future, and be used as a form of expression. I used to pick songs that fit the expression of love I wanted to give to her; I took note of the lyrics and what they were saying, and only when one is able to appreciate lyric and melody as a whole, can the entire meaning and impact of the song be felt.
I hadn't thought about this before, but there suddenly seems to be something in the order of songs on my blog. Though it's just a random arrangement, where I put the song i liked best in front, now it kinda seems to me like the order is telling me something: that all good things come to an end. The starting song is one of the saddest songs I know of, second only to Whiskey Lullaby maybe. It talks of love, longing, and loss. This degenerates (even though Bruno Mars's song is cheerful) to 'Count on Me', which talks about friends, and I can't help but cross-refer Nelly Furtado's song "All Good Things", which contains the chorus: "Flames to Dust, Lovers to Friends, Why do all good things come to an end?"
Gosh, blogging does seem to help My Brain keep active and ready for school in about a month's time!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Acceptance
don't u hate it when the latest you can sleep until is 1-2pm? I wake up at 12 only to force myself to sleep till 1 :(
A line my army friend said about a week ago floated into my mind: "it depends on how much you treasure the relationship and want to make it work." He had major problems in the first 6 months of his relationship, but they thrashed things out and managed to stay together till now; admirable indeed. So far the impression I get on my side is, it's not really worth treasuring, since solutions never even get a chance to be formed; or maybe the other party thinks it just can't be worked out. What do u think reader? Do you think that somewhere somehow things have been taken for granted, taken too lightly, or too seriously?
I hope this period of silence between us will kill all the love that was present. When that happens, I can be friends with her again, hopefully when school starts. I'm sure this is what she wants, because 1. She's afraid/tired of getting hurt again 2. She feels like she isn't the one for me and has self-doubts 3. She's tired and doesn't want to solve problems 4. She doesn't know how to face up to her family and friends. She once said that we should wait for a few years, for experience and wisdom to set in. I doubt feelings can last for that long; ok maybe I'm cynical, but seriously, realistically speaking, if we can break so easily, then a year or two is enough to forget about each other. Oh well, no point thinkin about it now, especially if nothing can move her, or if she gets so easily stressed out. The feeling's fading already anyway. Perhaps the only regret I have left is that of being misunderstood. I'll just see what the future has in store for me! :D
A line my army friend said about a week ago floated into my mind: "it depends on how much you treasure the relationship and want to make it work." He had major problems in the first 6 months of his relationship, but they thrashed things out and managed to stay together till now; admirable indeed. So far the impression I get on my side is, it's not really worth treasuring, since solutions never even get a chance to be formed; or maybe the other party thinks it just can't be worked out. What do u think reader? Do you think that somewhere somehow things have been taken for granted, taken too lightly, or too seriously?
I hope this period of silence between us will kill all the love that was present. When that happens, I can be friends with her again, hopefully when school starts. I'm sure this is what she wants, because 1. She's afraid/tired of getting hurt again 2. She feels like she isn't the one for me and has self-doubts 3. She's tired and doesn't want to solve problems 4. She doesn't know how to face up to her family and friends. She once said that we should wait for a few years, for experience and wisdom to set in. I doubt feelings can last for that long; ok maybe I'm cynical, but seriously, realistically speaking, if we can break so easily, then a year or two is enough to forget about each other. Oh well, no point thinkin about it now, especially if nothing can move her, or if she gets so easily stressed out. The feeling's fading already anyway. Perhaps the only regret I have left is that of being misunderstood. I'll just see what the future has in store for me! :D
I feel childish! But oh well, yesterday was a nice rainy day, good for naps in the noony! I like to take naps nowadays, it's refreshing! But it also screws up my body clock.
A facebook post by my friend: "Time may lessen the pain, but it'll never go away, as long as those memories remain." Wah.. emo sia.
Heard a story from a friend. This friend has a friend called B. B's gf is very cute, but B constantly asks for sex partners, and sleeps around with ah lians who are good in bed. He even goes to malaysia to find 21 year old girls to sleep with. He said he needed new flavour. Disgusting man... I can never do it with another person unless I love that person. Making love is a very spiritual act, and I can't believe such people with loose morals actually exist. I pity his gf...
Ok, I might not be bloggin so much anymore. Catch ya when the next interesting thing pops up!
A facebook post by my friend: "Time may lessen the pain, but it'll never go away, as long as those memories remain." Wah.. emo sia.
Heard a story from a friend. This friend has a friend called B. B's gf is very cute, but B constantly asks for sex partners, and sleeps around with ah lians who are good in bed. He even goes to malaysia to find 21 year old girls to sleep with. He said he needed new flavour. Disgusting man... I can never do it with another person unless I love that person. Making love is a very spiritual act, and I can't believe such people with loose morals actually exist. I pity his gf...
Ok, I might not be bloggin so much anymore. Catch ya when the next interesting thing pops up!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Lesson no. 1: Denial (an inspired blogpost)
In the Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle, the second stage is one of blind denial. In order, the stages are: Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Testing, Acceptance.
People in denial close their eyes to any evidence and pretend that nothing has happened.
Treatment
You can move a person out of denial by deliberately provoking them to anger. Hold up the future (sympathetically) so they cannot avoid or deny it. Tell them that it is not fair. Show anger yourself (thus legitimizing that they get angry).
Thought this info was good? It's just some garbage on the web. Now let's proceed further into the depths of self-discovery with Cikgu Lee (omg you shameless %#@#). Firstly, we know we are denying ourselves when we react with violence or anger when the basis of what we are denying is questioned or provoked. For example, if people ask me 'Do you still think of her?', and I angrily reply 'NO?', I'm clearly denying myself. Sherlock Holmes would be able to tell just by looking. LOL (this joke sucks why am I even laughing.)
Secondly, people in denial tend to want to brush aside the issue that they are denying with casual, brisk remarks, in an attempt to show they have little interest left in what they are trying to deny. It is quite obvious. The third point that links closely to this, is when the person in denial ignores the intuition of the other. What this means is that the person in denial pretends like the other party cannot and will not know that something has in fact happened, and that an exaggerated amount of effort has been put in to mask that occurrence as if it never happened before. The other party will be taken to be oblivious to any of these.
I've always compared people in denial to people living in a dream (dammit, how long have i been dreaming? *pinch* 1...2...3... OUCH.) In terms of love/breakups, if a person behaves just like he/she behaved when in a relationship after a breakup, then turns around and says stuff like 'we're just friends', you can instantly tell it's a form of denial.
The last aspect of denial that I will cover tonight is that of denying one's own mistakes. With this, the ugliness of ego and selfishness surface. For one, we know that the next stage after denial is anger. Naturally, one's ego will prevent one from admitting one's mistakes outright and be put down in the eyes of another, especially if that person craves attention and selfishly wants to be the goodie person, hence the 'false anger' generated. This will lead to a blind assurance that one is right in believing the other party did not trust the person, when in fact, the person is denying the fact that he/she must have failed to do something that's of the norm, thus inducing the mistrust. The reason I use mistrust as an example, is because it's the most common problem that couples deal with nowadays, and right now u can already see me denying my intention of putting my own experience down (what's wrong with you man!) With this clarified, what still puzzles me is how sometimes some people can continue to deny their mistakes and/or run away from working it out (At this point some people would say Ouch, because... the truth hurts? lol). In the end when they wake up, only regret will be left behind. Would you, the student/reader enlighten me? :)
PS. This is an open discussion and you are free to disagree with me. However, the timing to bring this up kinda sucks, because one would think I'd already let such matters rest. Thing is, I did, but I just thought about it again and decided not to let meaningful truths about human nature be gone with the wind. Someone needs to know, and some people need to come face to face with reality. I hope my post can help all the aspiring couples out there who are struggling to make things work. I wish you all the best and I admire your determination! Aim for marriage my 5-yr relationship-friend! Don't be too sad Linda, even though it's your third breakup after a 1year 5month relationship!
To sidetrack abit: in my opinion, u can generally tell what kind of people you actually converse with by one simple test: a breakup. Yes Im serious. If you tell a person/ friend that you just broke up with your bf/gf, and the person replies 'forget about it, there's many more fishes in the sea', or 'he/she's a jerk, just forget about him/her', you know that person can immediately be differentiated from people who tell you things like 'dont give up, i'm sure if you still love each other things'll work out', or, as my mei herself actually said in her own words, 'will patch back wan la'. The former kinda people are either those who can't be bothered to give encouragement, are biased, are over-protective, or are lastly - of which I hope not - jealous of the potential love and want the person to be on the same single status as him/her (what an ugly truth). Im the latter kinda person, and I always give encouragement to people who need it. Optimism is needed peeps! Don't let go of that!
Which brings me to another point if you think this draggy blogpost is gona end. On facebook I saw my friend Linda's posts: "At times like this I just want to curl myself up in a ball on the floor, repeatedly chanting 'I miss __, I miss __.' in tears while stupidly hoping that he would suddenly appear infront of me, help me up and say, 'it's alright now.'", and "So love sick." (It is REALLY coincidental that the number of times she broke up, and even the time and date she got together and broke up with her bf are almost the same as mine.) It's already been a month now... and she still has such strong feelings for her bf... I wonder if it's this way for my side. For one, I know my girl has the knack of totally switching off the personal and private when it comes to work. However, I wonder if she responds the same way as my friend does? No idea, and I'm not as impudent as to speak her mind for her when I'm not even sure what she's thinking now. I may very well have been forgotten already.
For me, I invented a lame thing: Love is like a save state. Before you breakup, you save the love and emotion in a save state. When you patch up, you load the save state and Continue the game! Naturally I would look forward to loading the save state as well, like anyone would. However, if that does not happen, I'll just have to delete the save state and start a New Game!! Cool huh? No wonder they say love is like a game... But my friend said something real funny: "lets say u play v long nv save, or play till like sai, or powercut, u will v sian". LOL! This is alot of crab from me tonight... I think I'ma end it now. Gambatte Linda! If your relationship can work out, so will mine!
People in denial close their eyes to any evidence and pretend that nothing has happened.
Treatment
You can move a person out of denial by deliberately provoking them to anger. Hold up the future (sympathetically) so they cannot avoid or deny it. Tell them that it is not fair. Show anger yourself (thus legitimizing that they get angry).
Thought this info was good? It's just some garbage on the web. Now let's proceed further into the depths of self-discovery with Cikgu Lee (omg you shameless %#@#). Firstly, we know we are denying ourselves when we react with violence or anger when the basis of what we are denying is questioned or provoked. For example, if people ask me 'Do you still think of her?', and I angrily reply 'NO?', I'm clearly denying myself. Sherlock Holmes would be able to tell just by looking. LOL (this joke sucks why am I even laughing.)
Secondly, people in denial tend to want to brush aside the issue that they are denying with casual, brisk remarks, in an attempt to show they have little interest left in what they are trying to deny. It is quite obvious. The third point that links closely to this, is when the person in denial ignores the intuition of the other. What this means is that the person in denial pretends like the other party cannot and will not know that something has in fact happened, and that an exaggerated amount of effort has been put in to mask that occurrence as if it never happened before. The other party will be taken to be oblivious to any of these.
I've always compared people in denial to people living in a dream (dammit, how long have i been dreaming? *pinch* 1...2...3... OUCH.) In terms of love/breakups, if a person behaves just like he/she behaved when in a relationship after a breakup, then turns around and says stuff like 'we're just friends', you can instantly tell it's a form of denial.
The last aspect of denial that I will cover tonight is that of denying one's own mistakes. With this, the ugliness of ego and selfishness surface. For one, we know that the next stage after denial is anger. Naturally, one's ego will prevent one from admitting one's mistakes outright and be put down in the eyes of another, especially if that person craves attention and selfishly wants to be the goodie person, hence the 'false anger' generated. This will lead to a blind assurance that one is right in believing the other party did not trust the person, when in fact, the person is denying the fact that he/she must have failed to do something that's of the norm, thus inducing the mistrust. The reason I use mistrust as an example, is because it's the most common problem that couples deal with nowadays, and right now u can already see me denying my intention of putting my own experience down (what's wrong with you man!) With this clarified, what still puzzles me is how sometimes some people can continue to deny their mistakes and/or run away from working it out (At this point some people would say Ouch, because... the truth hurts? lol). In the end when they wake up, only regret will be left behind. Would you, the student/reader enlighten me? :)
PS. This is an open discussion and you are free to disagree with me. However, the timing to bring this up kinda sucks, because one would think I'd already let such matters rest. Thing is, I did, but I just thought about it again and decided not to let meaningful truths about human nature be gone with the wind. Someone needs to know, and some people need to come face to face with reality. I hope my post can help all the aspiring couples out there who are struggling to make things work. I wish you all the best and I admire your determination! Aim for marriage my 5-yr relationship-friend! Don't be too sad Linda, even though it's your third breakup after a 1year 5month relationship!
To sidetrack abit: in my opinion, u can generally tell what kind of people you actually converse with by one simple test: a breakup. Yes Im serious. If you tell a person/ friend that you just broke up with your bf/gf, and the person replies 'forget about it, there's many more fishes in the sea', or 'he/she's a jerk, just forget about him/her', you know that person can immediately be differentiated from people who tell you things like 'dont give up, i'm sure if you still love each other things'll work out', or, as my mei herself actually said in her own words, 'will patch back wan la'. The former kinda people are either those who can't be bothered to give encouragement, are biased, are over-protective, or are lastly - of which I hope not - jealous of the potential love and want the person to be on the same single status as him/her (what an ugly truth). Im the latter kinda person, and I always give encouragement to people who need it. Optimism is needed peeps! Don't let go of that!
Which brings me to another point if you think this draggy blogpost is gona end. On facebook I saw my friend Linda's posts: "At times like this I just want to curl myself up in a ball on the floor, repeatedly chanting 'I miss __, I miss __.' in tears while stupidly hoping that he would suddenly appear infront of me, help me up and say, 'it's alright now.'", and "So love sick." (It is REALLY coincidental that the number of times she broke up, and even the time and date she got together and broke up with her bf are almost the same as mine.) It's already been a month now... and she still has such strong feelings for her bf... I wonder if it's this way for my side. For one, I know my girl has the knack of totally switching off the personal and private when it comes to work. However, I wonder if she responds the same way as my friend does? No idea, and I'm not as impudent as to speak her mind for her when I'm not even sure what she's thinking now. I may very well have been forgotten already.
For me, I invented a lame thing: Love is like a save state. Before you breakup, you save the love and emotion in a save state. When you patch up, you load the save state and Continue the game! Naturally I would look forward to loading the save state as well, like anyone would. However, if that does not happen, I'll just have to delete the save state and start a New Game!! Cool huh? No wonder they say love is like a game... But my friend said something real funny: "lets say u play v long nv save, or play till like sai, or powercut, u will v sian". LOL! This is alot of crab from me tonight... I think I'ma end it now. Gambatte Linda! If your relationship can work out, so will mine!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Movie Watchin
Omg the movie 'The Stepfather' is darn freaky.. America is really a place of baddies... or is it only America? *shudders*
Quote from the movie that I Loled at:
Kelly (to stepfather): He's (boyfriend michael) been such a jerk lately
Stepfather: That's called being a guy. We're all jerks. That's why you women like us. We're like projects that you take on.
LOLOL. The stepfather's a real good actor
Watched 'Triple tap', or God of guns, starring louis koo and daniel wu. It was great, good plot twist and stuff. Yup!! On with the movie!
Quote from the movie that I Loled at:
Kelly (to stepfather): He's (boyfriend michael) been such a jerk lately
Stepfather: That's called being a guy. We're all jerks. That's why you women like us. We're like projects that you take on.
LOLOL. The stepfather's a real good actor
Watched 'Triple tap', or God of guns, starring louis koo and daniel wu. It was great, good plot twist and stuff. Yup!! On with the movie!
Things happen in a very strange way. As I was listenin to music, suddenly the quarrel with my friend popped into my mind. I thought about how he scolded me harshly, and I felt indignant that he still didn't see my point that a friendship is worth more than game performance. However, this indignation suddenly faded away as my mind zoomed in to one of the sentences he said. He told me that he was tired of reminding me to stop alt tabbing when in a game. I gave in and said that I was a noob. He replied that I was not, it was just that I did not bother to play properly. Now after the initial period of tension is past, I am able to see more clearly. When people quarrel, ego and selfishness tend to take over, that's why I try to remain as emotionally detached as possible to prevent that. Looking back, I suddenly realise that he was trying to improve me; rather, to help me improve myself in terms of overall responsibility. No doubt his tone was very harsh, but I suddenly felt like I forgave him totally, because his intention was good, and I was definitely in the wrong as well. It may seem superficial, but once you give your commitment to a team of 5 people, you must fulfill it to your fullest and play your part, to gain your friends' trust and respect. Lol... I really like such random bursts of enlightenment... I duno how else to describe it other than as a clearing of air.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Lol
MC Mong - Sick Enough to Die
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9c1txitx4bI
Lol Koreans really have the knack of being dramatic. I only like the chorus for that song, because I don't understand the rest of the lyrics! However, the youtube version has translation : )
http://www.wtfjapanseriously.com/2010/04/binocular-soccer.html
Japanese are freaking bo liao. wtf, japan, seriously...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9c1txitx4bI
Lol Koreans really have the knack of being dramatic. I only like the chorus for that song, because I don't understand the rest of the lyrics! However, the youtube version has translation : )
http://www.wtfjapanseriously.com/2010/04/binocular-soccer.html
Japanese are freaking bo liao. wtf, japan, seriously...
Quarreled with friend again... sianz. However, with each quarrel I'm learning more and more restraint and tolerance. I think soon I'll be able to totally give in. I wanna improve and become a better person!! After all, so what if we prove our point? Only sadness comes out of it. We were there for each other when we needed it. So what if I think my friend's ego and selfishness are obnoxious? So what if my friend thinks I can't be bothered to be serious at all times? The key lies in discerning which is more important: the bond, or the quarrel. An 8-year-long friendship withstands minor quarrels, and things were cool in a very short while after (honestly, to this day it still surprises me how fast we patch up. The only major break we had lasted a month, and that was some time ago, because we both decided to take a breather.) I've almost mastered the skill of giving in till everyone's cooled down then talking about it later lol. However, that skill is only useful against an aggressor, or in other words when someone else starts the quarrel. I still have yet to find a solution to my sensitive expectations. As for the insecurity, perhaps I need to be, as some horoscope sites have suggested, surrounded by progressive optimism? Oh well... I find it paradoxical that only the closest/best friends will quarrel and disagree on things. It seems people who don't know me well enough can't even come close to finding fault with me, and thus ironically I'm all the more clear which/who is more important.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Chit-Chat
"intelligence
is analytical rational and [gotten] thru experience"
"they [are] quick to judge"
"i feel girls generally like to alienate themselves from obvious facts
and base their every
decision
on emotions alone
wich is kinda
delusional"
lol more insights from chats with I-will-not-say-who! I don't think this is in anyway misogynist, if anyone responds violently to it. These are truths that I myself have seen in some cases, and some of which guys like myself are also guilty of, for example being quick to judge. We must all learn to leave the personal level aside when the time calls for it, and instead be objective, impartial, and rational for the sake of improvement and correction. I wonder how long it will take for people to get enlightened.
I wonder how long will it take for me to be less sensitive and insecure (it's not like I don't trust the person I love), which are two of my biggest faults.
More talk with this friend yielded a real-life scenario:
a n b r normal frens
*A borrows a book
*but using b's library card
*b agrees
*cos a dont haf library card
*i.e the limit is full
*so
a forgets to return the book
*and incurs a fine of
*5 dollars
*b receives a letter from library
*saying the book a borrowed is overdue
*he gets enraged
and phones A repeatedly
*like 10+ times in a day for a day
*but A is not able to access his own phone
*so a finally gets to use his phone
*and talks to b
*b yells at a
for not being a 'responsible person'
*a tells b he will pay the full cost of the fine
*and treat b to a meal
but a is not able to do it now
*due to his busy schedule
*b got angry again
*and after an argument
*stops being friends with a
So the conclusions we got were: that the friend is impulsive, insecure, petty, unforgiving, and other stuff which I will not bother to list. However, my friend kept on emphasizing the other party's incredible rage. It's kinda scary sometimes. Well, that's all for today!
is analytical rational and [gotten] thru experience"
"they [are] quick to judge"
"i feel girls generally like to alienate themselves from obvious facts
and base their every
decision
on emotions alone
wich is kinda
delusional"
lol more insights from chats with I-will-not-say-who! I don't think this is in anyway misogynist, if anyone responds violently to it. These are truths that I myself have seen in some cases, and some of which guys like myself are also guilty of, for example being quick to judge. We must all learn to leave the personal level aside when the time calls for it, and instead be objective, impartial, and rational for the sake of improvement and correction. I wonder how long it will take for people to get enlightened.
I wonder how long will it take for me to be less sensitive and insecure (it's not like I don't trust the person I love), which are two of my biggest faults.
More talk with this friend yielded a real-life scenario:
a n b r normal frens
*A borrows a book
*but using b's library card
*b agrees
*cos a dont haf library card
*i.e the limit is full
*so
a forgets to return the book
*and incurs a fine of
*5 dollars
*b receives a letter from library
*saying the book a borrowed is overdue
*he gets enraged
and phones A repeatedly
*like 10+ times in a day for a day
*but A is not able to access his own phone
*so a finally gets to use his phone
*and talks to b
*b yells at a
for not being a 'responsible person'
*a tells b he will pay the full cost of the fine
*and treat b to a meal
but a is not able to do it now
*due to his busy schedule
*b got angry again
*and after an argument
*stops being friends with a
So the conclusions we got were: that the friend is impulsive, insecure, petty, unforgiving, and other stuff which I will not bother to list. However, my friend kept on emphasizing the other party's incredible rage. It's kinda scary sometimes. Well, that's all for today!
Thanks for your advice and encouragement with regards to life, work, and relationships mei mei! It's people like you that epitomize the meaning of undying love and optimism. I admire you!
If only words can get to people; but words ain't enough.
If only words can get to people; but words ain't enough.
Lady Antebellum - Need You Now
Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
woah woaaah.
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now (wait)
Ooo, baby, I need you now
Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
woah woaaah.
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now (wait)
Ooo, baby, I need you now
A girl i know told me yesterday that she was 'spoilt, demanding, and selfish', and that most girls are selfish. I was surprised at her honesty and willingness to admit her own faults, and i instantly respected her. Respect, as well as trust, is earned; it doesn't occur naturally. How do some people allow others to trust them naturally? How do I allow my lover to fully trust my loyalty? How do teachers earn respect and trust from students other than by making an effort to be more self-conscious and behave properly? These never come naturally, but rather require effort to be put in to improve oneself. We can't be lazy when it comes to improvement. The fact that she can face her own problems already gives her the first level of success: recognition instead of idealisation, even though the truth hurts. The second level, improvement, should then be much easier if both parties are open and willing to hear their own faults.
Ultimately, criticizing for the sake of improvement has to be differentiated from criticizing out of hatred, mistrust, or anger. As a guy friend pointed out, most people fail to recognize this of the other party, and I agree. However, I don't want to make fleeting assumptions/accusations anymore. As Naruto anime points out, I really wish for a day where people can truly understand one another, and there exists only love without hatred. As of now, all of us, including myself, are guilty of not achieving both of the aforementioned. Sometimes anime can be so educational and meaningful lol. Dear reader, these are my inspired thoughts for today!
Ultimately, criticizing for the sake of improvement has to be differentiated from criticizing out of hatred, mistrust, or anger. As a guy friend pointed out, most people fail to recognize this of the other party, and I agree. However, I don't want to make fleeting assumptions/accusations anymore. As Naruto anime points out, I really wish for a day where people can truly understand one another, and there exists only love without hatred. As of now, all of us, including myself, are guilty of not achieving both of the aforementioned. Sometimes anime can be so educational and meaningful lol. Dear reader, these are my inspired thoughts for today!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Duno what she wants/thinks: behave like we're together yet dowan patch; says she still misses us yet insists i didn't trust her and resigns to the thought that it cannot be worked out. Duno what I'm thinking: keep saying harsh things yet dun really mean it. But I guess shdn't rush things. However, if things are such that I see no sign that she wants us back together in the future, then I'll leave, coz I dislike waiting for nothing.
I think i'll cooldown after a good sleep. For now, I'm sorry, I was wrong as a friend to talk to her like that... I should just give her time and space.
I think i'll cooldown after a good sleep. For now, I'm sorry, I was wrong as a friend to talk to her like that... I should just give her time and space.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
It was the end of reservist yesterday!!! Wasn't really ecstatic about it, coz we got to bookout everyday! However, it marks more freedom, evident by the late time I'm typing this bloggypost! Yesterday, at around 2.30++pm, she called!! It was such a surprise, and I was happy! She said she just finished work, and had been walking around bringing students to tutor other students etc. If I didn't see the words 'ask her out' written almost anywhere, I would really live up to my nick as blind bat LOL!! So yea I asked to hang out, and we met up at yishun library! First time seeing her after like 2 weeks was kinda refreshing!! First impression I got was that she looked more 'tamed', and more scholarly, especially with the right fringe tucked up behind her ears and her specs drooping down: the makings of a cikgu-in-progress!! When we stood up to go for lunch/dinner, I felt surprised, coz weirdly enough I was not accustomed to seeing chibi cwab for some time!! Hee, bat that is in no way derogatory, coz that's part of what I liked about her :D
The outing and dinner went great! We were happy! It was great hearing her hiccup, laugh, and see her **ut coz I teased her too much LOL. However, I had to make a conscious effort not to catch her p*****y or p****e-p***k her lol xD Hope these can make her giggle tmr! Oh ya, my shoulder area was peeling badly due to sunburn, and it was gross! She helped me pluck some of the dead skin, and I felt so touched. I was lively and chirpy, and brought her to have fun at the arcade! She wasn't feeling too well; HER BRAIN was clogged up and she had a headache, so I wanted her to have a short burst of fun before retiring home! Yup! We went to popular lastly, and a very funny thing happened there. She saw 'Tears' as 'Teats'!!!!!! *giggles*
I duno what's going through her mind just before she sleeps. I wonder if she still thinks about... hee! :X
Am kind worried about my mods.. currently really have 0. If priya cant help me get them then I'm screwed! :( Lastly, have a good day tmr! *chirps*
The outing and dinner went great! We were happy! It was great hearing her hiccup, laugh, and see her **ut coz I teased her too much LOL. However, I had to make a conscious effort not to catch her p*****y or p****e-p***k her lol xD Hope these can make her giggle tmr! Oh ya, my shoulder area was peeling badly due to sunburn, and it was gross! She helped me pluck some of the dead skin, and I felt so touched. I was lively and chirpy, and brought her to have fun at the arcade! She wasn't feeling too well; HER BRAIN was clogged up and she had a headache, so I wanted her to have a short burst of fun before retiring home! Yup! We went to popular lastly, and a very funny thing happened there. She saw 'Tears' as 'Teats'!!!!!! *giggles*
I duno what's going through her mind just before she sleeps. I wonder if she still thinks about... hee! :X
Am kind worried about my mods.. currently really have 0. If priya cant help me get them then I'm screwed! :( Lastly, have a good day tmr! *chirps*
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Today was IPPT!! Shiong sia.. never imajinged I could be so unfit. Really need super intense training... which I am not inclined to do just for a minor additional 100bucks for getting silver medal. A pass is good enough for me, where army is concerned!! Anu... army ish a rigid organisation! IT follows the book so closely that there is no flexibility, and the planning is so inefficient that commands being passed down from one head to another leads to lots of time being wasted. As my friend said, almost everything in there can be improved/criticized. Well let's not diverge! The 2.4 run came after a 1hour wait for CAT 1 lightning risk to be over. The day before we just had a 4km route march, and my legs were aching!! Surprisingly, it was much harder to run compared to 2 weeks ago, when I still trained every alternate day... scary sia 2 weeks nv train only stamina can drop! I guess i'll just train enough to keep in shape and maintain a 58kg!!
Running is so tiring; it is toughest on the mind. Once you lose focus, you will slow down; you have to clear your mind of all thoughts and just focus on reaching the end, pushing yourself beyond your fatigued body. It is such training that strengthens one's mind, braces it, and breeds the never say die spirit in people who have discovered it. Though my timing is nothing to boast about, and miles away from my former glory in JC, I'm still glad I managed to pass! After a shag day, batty's gona retire soon!
Today, I'm so happy that cwabby called! I think about her everyday. I wish things didn't have to be this way. I wish things could be just like they were, and then I could spend some time with her after army. I wonder if she left me any hints/clues(something just tells me that she did... but maybe its just my over-active imagination..?) I know she's very busy right now, and guess this period of time would be good to chill. Bat one thing's for sure: if she still has hope left, then I dun mind waiting for her!
In fact, one of my friends read batty's posts and told me that his relationship was similar to mine, in that the problems were similar. He told me about a solution that worked for him, which is whenever there was a quarrel, he would give in and be silent, however, after everyone's cooled down, she had to listen to what he had to say peacefully, and a discussion could be held for accommodation's sake. He explained that the way quarrels work is that when one's heated up, everything will just pour out just based on one sentence alone; it can be that bad he said(yes, I believe we are aware of that). So I thought this was a rather cool and controlled way of making things work! For one, it prevents any impulsive outbursts, and helps train one's restraint and tolerance. I wonder if there is such a thing as a naturally occurring relationship. According to the feedback I've gotten, and past experiences, it seems that every relationship has quarrels and needs work, else it wont be a relationship; it'll just be normal friends. If relationships appear to be smooth sailing, it just means we aren't seeing what lies beneath. It seems like Lady Venus is bent on testing how far we can go for love by making love hurt and drawing a thin line between love and hate >_< Yeap, these are the thoughts and discussions with friends in army on some days!! Now I gotta go sleep! ZZZ
Running is so tiring; it is toughest on the mind. Once you lose focus, you will slow down; you have to clear your mind of all thoughts and just focus on reaching the end, pushing yourself beyond your fatigued body. It is such training that strengthens one's mind, braces it, and breeds the never say die spirit in people who have discovered it. Though my timing is nothing to boast about, and miles away from my former glory in JC, I'm still glad I managed to pass! After a shag day, batty's gona retire soon!
Today, I'm so happy that cwabby called! I think about her everyday. I wish things didn't have to be this way. I wish things could be just like they were, and then I could spend some time with her after army. I wonder if she left me any hints/clues(something just tells me that she did... but maybe its just my over-active imagination..?) I know she's very busy right now, and guess this period of time would be good to chill. Bat one thing's for sure: if she still has hope left, then I dun mind waiting for her!
In fact, one of my friends read batty's posts and told me that his relationship was similar to mine, in that the problems were similar. He told me about a solution that worked for him, which is whenever there was a quarrel, he would give in and be silent, however, after everyone's cooled down, she had to listen to what he had to say peacefully, and a discussion could be held for accommodation's sake. He explained that the way quarrels work is that when one's heated up, everything will just pour out just based on one sentence alone; it can be that bad he said(yes, I believe we are aware of that). So I thought this was a rather cool and controlled way of making things work! For one, it prevents any impulsive outbursts, and helps train one's restraint and tolerance. I wonder if there is such a thing as a naturally occurring relationship. According to the feedback I've gotten, and past experiences, it seems that every relationship has quarrels and needs work, else it wont be a relationship; it'll just be normal friends. If relationships appear to be smooth sailing, it just means we aren't seeing what lies beneath. It seems like Lady Venus is bent on testing how far we can go for love by making love hurt and drawing a thin line between love and hate >_< Yeap, these are the thoughts and discussions with friends in army on some days!! Now I gotta go sleep! ZZZ
Monday, July 12, 2010
lol today i took a cab home and this uncle, every few words he say he scolded 'kanina' or 'nabehcb' ... and he was relating to us how a Eurasian lady cut his cue juz to buy condoms. LOLOL. He also talked about how blur petrol station attendants are, when they fill full tank instead of 20percent that he asked. Kept laughing man. What an interesjing but tiring day!! Tmr IPPT! Then LAST DAY!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
CUTE SI NI
Dear whoever that reads this,
Poppin/fluttering by to show you an uber cute video to brighten your day and revive fond memories of cute pets or things!! The bunnies GMH.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOV18WKNtgI
Poppin/fluttering by to show you an uber cute video to brighten your day and revive fond memories of cute pets or things!! The bunnies GMH.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOV18WKNtgI
From the aftermath last night, I msged my friend on msn and said "u still angry bout last night? cmon lets patch up : D"
True enough, the reply I got was "fuck, no. its outside of the game. my displeasure will start and end within the game", and I was happy. After explaining things, everyone got enlightened, and we accommodated to each other by finding out what each doesnt like, renewing that knowledge, and renewing our bond. Now, it's just like nothing ever happened before, and we're happy.
True enough, the reply I got was "fuck, no. its outside of the game. my displeasure will start and end within the game", and I was happy. After explaining things, everyone got enlightened, and we accommodated to each other by finding out what each doesnt like, renewing that knowledge, and renewing our bond. Now, it's just like nothing ever happened before, and we're happy.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Pseudo-Enlightenment
Maybe we need time to mature and become more sensible and less easily stressed people. For now, I give up. She is 100 percent sure we can't be together, and when she has no hope or love left, then neither will I. Till I/we can find the feeling again, so long cwabby. I have loved you before and I didn't regret it.
ps.
I think only now have I actually thought about this trait of mine, where I put down faults of even my closest friends/loved ones. If it's wrong or immoral, I am impartial and unbiased, and will scold anyone if needed. However, I don't think this is only a Libra trait, as I see it in almost any guy friend I have. When angered, they scold without even considering whether they'll hurt or not. I guess we're all a little too serious at times...
TODAY, 11th July 2010, I suddenly realized that I could finally feel how hurt she must have felt. While gaming, a mistake I made roused sharp and intense scoldings and vulgarities from friends of mine (not the first time it occured, but I only thought about it today), and I felt hurt and betrayed and almost like a stranger to them (however, I always initiate a convo with them after some time has passed and everyone has cooled down, and surprisingly, none of them treat it like anything has happened/mattered before!! It's bizzare now that I think of it; it is as if that moment of flaring up was an alternate consciousness and was not to be taken seriously. This is how me and my friends maintain 8 year long friendships; we understand how to patch up). I felt like they hated me (but yet somehow, in the very depths of my heart, I knew we would still continue to be good friends), and I immediately felt my defense mechanism activate, creating an awkward, silent/hostile barrier between us. I told myself that a small mistake I made should not warrant such treatment from good friends; that they were too perfectionist; that they were taking minor things too seriously. How ironic that I myself was perpetrator of such ugly behaviour (though not as vulgar, but still with hurtful sarcasm or interrogative tones.) That very moment placed me in her shoes, and as I type this blogpost with whirling emotions I feel connected to her even though we're physically and emotionally apart now... I finally understand... but am not fully enlightened as I cannot accurately pinpoint what the problem is, nor find a solution for it (what I usually do when my friends scold me is casually say 'need to be so serious meh?'... other than that, I don't know already); I can only describe via experience that this is what happens, and is generally an uncontrollable(?), unintentional personality that has to be understood beforehand, lest immense hurt be felt. I have failed not only her, but myself for not seeing this earlier. I'm sorry that my most loved one had to experience this. I think she'd be better off without me.
ps.
I think only now have I actually thought about this trait of mine, where I put down faults of even my closest friends/loved ones. If it's wrong or immoral, I am impartial and unbiased, and will scold anyone if needed. However, I don't think this is only a Libra trait, as I see it in almost any guy friend I have. When angered, they scold without even considering whether they'll hurt or not. I guess we're all a little too serious at times...
TODAY, 11th July 2010, I suddenly realized that I could finally feel how hurt she must have felt. While gaming, a mistake I made roused sharp and intense scoldings and vulgarities from friends of mine (not the first time it occured, but I only thought about it today), and I felt hurt and betrayed and almost like a stranger to them (however, I always initiate a convo with them after some time has passed and everyone has cooled down, and surprisingly, none of them treat it like anything has happened/mattered before!! It's bizzare now that I think of it; it is as if that moment of flaring up was an alternate consciousness and was not to be taken seriously. This is how me and my friends maintain 8 year long friendships; we understand how to patch up). I felt like they hated me (but yet somehow, in the very depths of my heart, I knew we would still continue to be good friends), and I immediately felt my defense mechanism activate, creating an awkward, silent/hostile barrier between us. I told myself that a small mistake I made should not warrant such treatment from good friends; that they were too perfectionist; that they were taking minor things too seriously. How ironic that I myself was perpetrator of such ugly behaviour (though not as vulgar, but still with hurtful sarcasm or interrogative tones.) That very moment placed me in her shoes, and as I type this blogpost with whirling emotions I feel connected to her even though we're physically and emotionally apart now... I finally understand... but am not fully enlightened as I cannot accurately pinpoint what the problem is, nor find a solution for it (what I usually do when my friends scold me is casually say 'need to be so serious meh?'... other than that, I don't know already); I can only describe via experience that this is what happens, and is generally an uncontrollable(?), unintentional personality that has to be understood beforehand, lest immense hurt be felt. I have failed not only her, but myself for not seeing this earlier. I'm sorry that my most loved one had to experience this. I think she'd be better off without me.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Things never did have a chance to be properly explained
After reading her blogpost twice, I am still indignant that she can say I never loved, trusted, respected, or treated her as an amaJING girlfriend. Truth is, I was even proud of her, and proud to let my friends know she was my gf, not minding what they said as in my eyes she was the best. I bet she didn't know that. I bet in her mind I'm just this guy who wants the perfect girlfriend and keeps shooting her down, when I was merely pointing out her faults to her, and even if she didn't correct them, I would still love her as much. If my tone was sharp or interrogative, I really didn't mean it. If she thinks that her friends know her better, then she can jolly well find her love there. In the end, it's never the same or as strong. If she happens to think outside her own world, or roll back our entire time together, she MIGHT see all the little things (I don't bother shamelessly mentioning; she should slowly remember them if they mean alot to her) that show the extent of my feeling toward her, and might realize at least that she's been treasured and has made a mistake. She also might see that I am in no way fully guilty of my suspicions (though guilty for flaring up in a VERBALLY nasty way, hence I am not acquitting myself of responsibility for my mistakes, though this time I had no opportunity to be there for her and apologize when we quarreled) as anyone else would feel the same on seeing her mistakes, that is if they actually see or experience them, not just hear of them. Moreover, my suspicions were mostly instigated. Who would blame someone else for nothing?
"You can be the original meek as a lamb or mad as a hornet personality. Yet neither of these is really a true reflection of your essentially harmonious nature." - I think this is true, as I never really mean what I spout in a fit of emotions to her in our quarrels; but I don't blame her for feeling hurt as how is one to know when I'm serious or not? I can only say sorry... But if she focuses mainly on how wronged or hurt she is without considering my POV, then I can't do anything as well. And when I try to reason and talk things out with her, she backs away from my interrogative tone, and claims that she tried (she did, but it wasn't really called trying) to talk things out when all she says is 'im not seeing you tmr or ever again'. If I was asking for assurance that she was earnest and that my commitments weren't for nothing, then her reply was bizzare and uncalled for. However she has the right to ASSUME that I don't love her at all. I can't stop her from thinking what she wants, and what she's compulsively gone so far to prove: that we're incompatible(?). If she thinks she can't take back all that she's complained about to her friends, then her pride will keep us apart.
It appears she is much less forgiving in comparison to me, who never once broke up on her/left her behind despite quarrels or an aching heart. Cannot everytime argue only break de... too impulsive already... the most just take a breather ma, need to make until so serious meh? Sigh. (it's not like she's the only one suffering all the time; whenever I flared up, it was because I was hurt and felt an unfairness in a situation or behaviour. I too needed assurance.) Perhaps the amulet she parted with was given to someone else who was very sure he loved her despite any quarrel or mistake, and not me whom she thinks never loved or trusted her. I currently feel so disappointed that she can be so psyched into thinking that she did the right thing in ending our 'didn't want it to end' relationship (I always stayed with her and was loyal no matter what) that she smses me monosyllabic things like 'NoPe' or doesn't sms me at all, that I don't feel like talking or committing (since she said in her blog that she never asked for extra commitments ...) to her for the moment as well. IF(please note that it is an 'if') she can overlook all the care and concern and love i showered on her (I have never overlooked her love and was always appreciative - even if I appeared to point out her faults in a nasty manner - especially of her cooking, and she should know it), and only choose to look at stressed up moments of flaring up, or calling my want of assurance and reciprocity in commitment as a pauper looking up to a prince, then I have nothing more to say other than good luck with finding another Perfect guy that can replace the chirpy, witty, chicky, gentle, unpretentious, sweet, loyal and loving, albeit over-sensitive, insecure, and occasionally jealous (not shameless; some of these are actual words she herself used) fruitbat for her. Sigh.
"You can be the original meek as a lamb or mad as a hornet personality. Yet neither of these is really a true reflection of your essentially harmonious nature." - I think this is true, as I never really mean what I spout in a fit of emotions to her in our quarrels; but I don't blame her for feeling hurt as how is one to know when I'm serious or not? I can only say sorry... But if she focuses mainly on how wronged or hurt she is without considering my POV, then I can't do anything as well. And when I try to reason and talk things out with her, she backs away from my interrogative tone, and claims that she tried (she did, but it wasn't really called trying) to talk things out when all she says is 'im not seeing you tmr or ever again'. If I was asking for assurance that she was earnest and that my commitments weren't for nothing, then her reply was bizzare and uncalled for. However she has the right to ASSUME that I don't love her at all. I can't stop her from thinking what she wants, and what she's compulsively gone so far to prove: that we're incompatible(?). If she thinks she can't take back all that she's complained about to her friends, then her pride will keep us apart.
It appears she is much less forgiving in comparison to me, who never once broke up on her/left her behind despite quarrels or an aching heart. Cannot everytime argue only break de... too impulsive already... the most just take a breather ma, need to make until so serious meh? Sigh. (it's not like she's the only one suffering all the time; whenever I flared up, it was because I was hurt and felt an unfairness in a situation or behaviour. I too needed assurance.) Perhaps the amulet she parted with was given to someone else who was very sure he loved her despite any quarrel or mistake, and not me whom she thinks never loved or trusted her. I currently feel so disappointed that she can be so psyched into thinking that she did the right thing in ending our 'didn't want it to end' relationship (I always stayed with her and was loyal no matter what) that she smses me monosyllabic things like 'NoPe' or doesn't sms me at all, that I don't feel like talking or committing (since she said in her blog that she never asked for extra commitments ...) to her for the moment as well. IF(please note that it is an 'if') she can overlook all the care and concern and love i showered on her (I have never overlooked her love and was always appreciative - even if I appeared to point out her faults in a nasty manner - especially of her cooking, and she should know it), and only choose to look at stressed up moments of flaring up, or calling my want of assurance and reciprocity in commitment as a pauper looking up to a prince, then I have nothing more to say other than good luck with finding another Perfect guy that can replace the chirpy, witty, chicky, gentle, unpretentious, sweet, loyal and loving, albeit over-sensitive, insecure, and occasionally jealous (not shameless; some of these are actual words she herself used) fruitbat for her. Sigh.
