Tuesday, July 20, 2010

In the Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle, the second stage is one of blind denial. In order, the stages are: Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Testing, Acceptance.
People in denial close their eyes to any evidence and pretend that nothing has happened.

Treatment
You can move a person out of denial by deliberately provoking them to anger. Hold up the future (sympathetically) so they cannot avoid or deny it. Tell them that it is not fair. Show anger yourself (thus legitimizing that they get angry).

Thought this info was good? It's just some garbage on the web. Now let's proceed further into the depths of self-discovery with Cikgu Lee (omg you shameless %#@#). Firstly, we know we are denying ourselves when we react with violence or anger when the basis of what we are denying is questioned or provoked. For example, if people ask me 'Do you still think of her?', and I angrily reply 'NO?', I'm clearly denying myself. Sherlock Holmes would be able to tell just by looking. LOL (this joke sucks why am I even laughing.)

Secondly, people in denial tend to want to brush aside the issue that they are denying with casual, brisk remarks, in an attempt to show they have little interest left in what they are trying to deny. It is quite obvious. The third point that links closely to this, is when the person in denial ignores the intuition of the other. What this means is that the person in denial pretends like the other party cannot and will not know that something has in fact happened, and that an exaggerated amount of effort has been put in to mask that occurrence as if it never happened before. The other party will be taken to be oblivious to any of these.

I've always compared people in denial to people living in a dream (dammit, how long have i been dreaming? *pinch* 1...2...3... OUCH.) In terms of love/breakups, if a person behaves just like he/she behaved when in a relationship after a breakup, then turns around and says stuff like 'we're just friends', you can instantly tell it's a form of denial.

The last aspect of denial that I will cover tonight is that of denying one's own mistakes. With this, the ugliness of ego and selfishness surface. For one, we know that the next stage after denial is anger. Naturally, one's ego will prevent one from admitting one's mistakes outright and be put down in the eyes of another, especially if that person craves attention and selfishly wants to be the goodie person, hence the 'false anger' generated. This will lead to a blind assurance that one is right in believing the other party did not trust the person, when in fact, the person is denying the fact that he/she must have failed to do something that's of the norm, thus inducing the mistrust. The reason I use mistrust as an example, is because it's the most common problem that couples deal with nowadays, and right now u can already see me denying my intention of putting my own experience down (what's wrong with you man!) With this clarified, what still puzzles me is how sometimes some people can continue to deny their mistakes and/or run away from working it out (At this point some people would say Ouch, because... the truth hurts? lol). In the end when they wake up, only regret will be left behind. Would you, the student/reader enlighten me? :)

PS. This is an open discussion and you are free to disagree with me. However, the timing to bring this up kinda sucks, because one would think I'd already let such matters rest. Thing is, I did, but I just thought about it again and decided not to let meaningful truths about human nature be gone with the wind. Someone needs to know, and some people need to come face to face with reality. I hope my post can help all the aspiring couples out there who are struggling to make things work. I wish you all the best and I admire your determination! Aim for marriage my 5-yr relationship-friend! Don't be too sad Linda, even though it's your third breakup after a 1year 5month relationship!

To sidetrack abit: in my opinion, u can generally tell what kind of people you actually converse with by one simple test: a breakup. Yes Im serious. If you tell a person/ friend that you just broke up with your bf/gf, and the person replies 'forget about it, there's many more fishes in the sea', or 'he/she's a jerk, just forget about him/her', you know that person can immediately be differentiated from people who tell you things like 'dont give up, i'm sure if you still love each other things'll work out', or, as my mei herself actually said in her own words, 'will patch back wan la'. The former kinda people are either those who can't be bothered to give encouragement, are biased, are over-protective, or are lastly - of which I hope not - jealous of the potential love and want the person to be on the same single status as him/her (what an ugly truth). Im the latter kinda person, and I always give encouragement to people who need it. Optimism is needed peeps! Don't let go of that!

Which brings me to another point if you think this draggy blogpost is gona end. On facebook I saw my friend Linda's posts: "At times like this I just want to curl myself up in a ball on the floor, repeatedly chanting 'I miss __, I miss __.' in tears while stupidly hoping that he would suddenly appear infront of me, help me up and say, 'it's alright now.'", and "So love sick." (It is REALLY coincidental that the number of times she broke up, and even the time and date she got together and broke up with her bf are almost the same as mine.) It's already been a month now... and she still has such strong feelings for her bf... I wonder if it's this way for my side. For one, I know my girl has the knack of totally switching off the personal and private when it comes to work. However, I wonder if she responds the same way as my friend does? No idea, and I'm not as impudent as to speak her mind for her when I'm not even sure what she's thinking now. I may very well have been forgotten already.

For me, I invented a lame thing: Love is like a save state. Before you breakup, you save the love and emotion in a save state. When you patch up, you load the save state and Continue the game! Naturally I would look forward to loading the save state as well, like anyone would. However, if that does not happen, I'll just have to delete the save state and start a New Game!! Cool huh? No wonder they say love is like a game... But my friend said something real funny: "lets say u play v long nv save, or play till like sai, or powercut, u will v sian". LOL! This is alot of crab from me tonight... I think I'ma end it now. Gambatte Linda! If your relationship can work out, so will mine!