I watched a movie containing a quote that goes something like this "You tear me down just to make yourself feel better, because you hate yourself."
I think this is so true, and I've seen such obnoxious behaviours myself, where the person goes all out to try and find fault and expose the defendant's bad points at every possible opportunity, whereby elevating his/her own deflated, punctured ego in a situation called social comparison. You know what I do? I've gotten tired of being irritated. Now I just laugh at such behaviour, and if they're clever enough they'll know it's a laugh of pity.

Next up, I seriously can't believe some people's egos. They think all the girls/guys are crazy over them or something. I mean, get over yourself already. If you think you look hot in photos, let me tell you, photos are an idealised state captured to remind urself of how imperfect perfection really is. The most beautiful people are those who do not need to tell the world that they are. That will only be a pathetic attempt to salvage their lonesome, withering self-image from total alienation. (no reference to anyone, just a general thought. So if YOU, reader, happen to fall in this category, well, the truth hurts huh? But sorry for...pointing out the truth then.)

Wooh, ok, disgusting things expelled, now, back to dinner.

Rainy days. Looking out the window at the thin silver arrows of rain pelting down interminably, creating a scene of the heavenly archers at war with the earth. Why do we love rainy days? It evokes a sense of melancholic euphoria. When we were young, rain reduced us kids to a captive in our homes, barred behind windows only to stare forlornly at the darting arrows. Now that we're grown up, with the advent of knowledge, with the ability to think - oh that awful ability - we reminisce that captivity and compare it with the freedom we experience now - thus giving us an uplifting feeling that we have grown up and changed - when nothing has really changed afterall. This limbo - between realising the past and thinking that we've moved on, and yet not being able to move on - creates that melancholy and 'emo' feeling we get when we stare out the window on a rainy day. I can't describe it better in words already. It's just a feeling oscillating between being trapped, captive, and that of freedom. Also, looking at the uninterrupted flow of rain contributes to the fluidity of thought and imagination- enhanced by the proximity with nature that we all feel - giving a peaceful, serene, contemplative state of mind to those who lay eyes on it.

-To know the price of everything but know the value of nothing.

The next thing you know, your teeth subtly caresses the circumference of that huge tube, savouring the tenderness of the skin, how softly it yields to pressure but not breaking, yet. Your tongue playfully licks that flesh stick, tasting the bland saltiness that just so entices u to apply greater pressure with your teeth. Then, a moment of unbridled passion seizes you; you cannot take it any longer, you must have it. You chew down hard and the meat rod explodes into your mouth. Yes, the utter bliss of the creamy substance flooding your mouth. The fragrance of the innards, spilling out to fill your cavity, once the taught skin ruptures and ur teeth sinks in to ravage the torn meat, mixing saliva with creamy white fluid.

Yessss... Ahhhh, eating cheese sausages really is lovely!!! No wonder they say food is sex.

"posing for photographs ... was done out of a realization of their own mortality, and that in the face of impermanence - of the day, of the week, of life - one craved photographs."

"any sound of nature soothes, because it makes man instinctively feel a part of nature too, and part of life's rhythms, the swelling and ebbing of tides, growth and decay, birth and death, and the stars at night."

To smokers: "...poisoning his lungs with deliciousness. He considered it all right (and with what gravity he did that!) for a mature man, who knows what he wants, and the attendant risks he's taking, to kill himself by what he ingests and inhales. At least it's a conscious act." What sarcasm!

It is amazingly cool how I can bump into people at Boon Lay at 10am and they tell me that they're going for their 9.30am lesson. What's more, they act so calm and even say that they're improving! (From 1.5hrs late to 1hr to 45min) I really admire such people : )

On another hand, we have people who are forever angsty, always thinking the whole world is against them. A friend once commented that people who are exceedingly intelligent experience such eccentricity and weird fluctuations of behaviour. Or, it could just be an undiscovered case of bipolar disorder or mild schizophrenia. YES! I remember the term! It's called DELUSIONS OF PERSECUTION, present in schizophrenia, where the person thinks everyone or the system is against them. Well, it's rare, but we do come across strange people everyday. Live with it, and deal with it, or lastly, avoid it.

Who we really are, beneath that daily persona worn to please others, surfaces only in periods of stress and fear.

Dota is a bad form of entertainment. Depending on the degree of competitive urge within a person, playing a 1-hr match would reveal everything you would want to know about him/her - Those with perfectionist tendencies would often act up and start scolding people, becoming very unreasonable and irritable. Such people hate to lose as well. It is very saddening to see how good friends can scold each other or develop negative feelings just over a game. It is, human nature. It happens unconsciously. The other self takes over as we get lost in the game; it's as if the game controls our persona, and our real self emerges to show the true colours. If we could only treat it as a game - to have pure fun and not mechanically aiming to win and be serious every time - then ugly sides wouldn't emerge at all.

It is kind of ironical that we have to mindfully supress our TRUE selves. The perfect person would be one who loses with dignity and learns from it, never blaming a teammate for something, always taking the blame and offering words of encouragement etc; in a sense, to be true and genuine. These are the best people to hang around with. Sadly, I'm nowhere near that level... I still get irritated sometimes by unexpected 'happenings', and I feel bad about it. I guess it's just human to experience emotion; and if directed the right way, this emotion could grow to forge strong bonds between the players.

Is the line really that thin? Attending Jocelyn Chua's play today made a point clear - when u love someone u're irrational, idealistic, blind to any faults. When you hate someone, u're perfectly rational, to the point of being critical of the person. In a sense, 'a racist would be more rational than my mom', as quoted from the play. Ever been in between? Where one moment u love the person to bits, next moment u feel like TEARING that person to bits; perhaps that's the thin line they're talking about - emotion's fluctuations.

The play was so intense, passionate, and intellectual. There was so much vigor in the accurate representation of the feeling at that moment, the expression, the emphatic vocal tones, and the mysterious, trance-like dances which, in repetition, only emphasized the mechanization and rigidity that society puts forth; coupled with the verging on eccentricity of action and speech, the whole feel I get is a very repressed, tormented individual struggling against society, trapped between past and present. The use of sound, or lack of, accentuates the silence of speech, subtly criticising the lack of freedom of speech - a very clever manoeuvre on the part of Jocelyn. Even the coarse scenes were only for the effect of harshly bringing us face to face with reality - that no matter where or who we are, no one gives a 'F***'.

1. Deciding to skip a perceived tutorial at 10.30 coz I woke up late, when it's actually at 11.30, ending in me having to rush to sch via cab.
2. Telling the cab driver to go NTU by the wrong way.
3. Taking an MRT to Yio Chu Kang before realising I should be going toward Woodlands.
4. Getting down at Jurong East Interchange MRT thinking it's Boon Lay.
5. Doing lame poses and hand signs.
6. Very very blur, as can be seen from above.
7. Don't even know how to walk to Lido, DXO(- Is it even spelt DXO? -walked from City Hall to Raffles Place to Bugis, whatever the order, when it's originally at City Hall!), or find a Fish & CO at Bugis(already solved this one).
8. Doing funny stuff that normal ppl don't do
9. Being quite retarded(same as point 8 actually)
10. Likes to emo sometimes.

There u have it, a bimbo me.

I love to stare out the window. Somehow i think it represents the part of us that wants to escape, but is held back behind the frame. This part of us would be imagination, or it could also be the part that yearns for freedom. I love to stare out the window - I saw a few people flying kites in the vast expanse of field below. I love to stare out the window, to see the kites soaring so high above the tallest trees, almost touching the sky - if only I could touch the sky too. How would clouds feel like? I love to stare out the window - watch the people passing by, the never ending flow of traffic flow by, the clouds drifting with the afternoon breeze, forming new shapes and patterns. I love to stare out the window, for then I can think of stuff and let my imagination go wild, and forget all kinds of worries like studying etc. I love to stare out the window, for it lets me remember - the past, good or bad, they're still memories...

I love to stare out the window, coz when I'm alone, I'll think of you. But perhaps we're never really alone, are we Jonathan?

"it is that only in something that is wholly useless, utterly irrelevant, can we glimpse true beauty." - This may be a bit extreme, but yes, only in the simplest and least noticeable of things, when noticed, can we glimpse true beauty; and this may not just be physical beauty, for that is quite superficial.
"memories are elusive creatures, like butterflies. The more one tries to capture them, to put them on display, the more entangled one becomes in the net of one's remembrance." - Is it good to remember? Depends on what type of thing u choose to remember I guess.

Censored - too obvious content.

"These were people who could not find meaning for their existence within their own lives, so they conjured up a power without, outside the world, which power, in their fever and their despair, they believed could supply that missing meaning" - Does this hit the nail on the head when referring to religion and blind faith? I believe it does. People preach reverence to a higher being, believing they can communicate with that being, in so making themselves feel accepted, loved, and 'complete', when in actual fact, such self-perceived acceptance is none other than the key of their own doing! Ironically speaking, we are the key to our own happiness. True, God is almighty and he exists, no doubt, but we must question whether we are devoted to the institution and its people, or the higher being. I believe there are many out there who go just for the people, and that is what makes them happier. (no offence, just a personal view) True, the stories in the bible are very interesting, I've read them myself, but I'll take them with a pinch of salt. Afterall, who wrote the bible? Who claimed the right to do so, and who decided to edit and revise it so many times? These questions are forgotten with routine, mundanity and time's passing.

A friend once asked me to clarify blind faith and true faith. Let me do so here. Blind faith is where u know there are faults, but choose to ignore them, claiming that faults will only strengthen one's faith. Such a self-delusional front is merely a persona worn to preserve a certain image, and I am quite against this. True faith however, is where one wholly believes in what he/she believes in, acknowledging the faults and knowing that no one religion is perfect. In spreading the word, a person with true faith will give both pros and cons of the religion, and will leave it up to the recruit to join, whereas a person with blind faith will just mouth the idealised advantages.

Secondly, I would like to talk about commenting on looks. I would never, NEVER, look down on anyone if they're not that good looking. I won't use the word ugly. Because if I hold a mirror up to myself, I'd dare say I don't have the right to judge others when I'm not even outstanding looking. Needless to say, it doesn't go that if one is super good looking he/she can have the right to look down on others - that would be the fastest way to lose friends I can assure you. Then again who are we to judge if we are good looking? It's for others to judge; one who thinks he is gorgeous may not be pleasing to others; so in conclusion what I want to say is, before commenting, look in the mirror first.

For those not in Lit, do not ask me what promise Im making -.- I'm making a pun(not really) of a novel excerpt entitled 'Abraham's Promise', which I intend to quote here.

'Some things can only be learned, not taught ... Loving someone is good, a wonderful thing, but it makes you weaker, more vulnerable. You love your mother so the pain she suffers becomes your pain... You should love, you will love, you WON'T be able to stop yourself and you shouldn't try. Just will yourself to be strong enough to survive your love... Love, boy, it leads you to sacrifice.'

This long quote is so ownage that I felt I should note it down, lest I forget it in the future. First of all, it's not like we all don't know how to cook up such rational and straightforward theories. However, it is one thing to conjure quotes, and another to experience them in the context of a moving story. That is the feeling I want to retain with this quote - for those in lit and have read the excerpt you would know and probably feel the same way. Better, for those who have experienced the above, it would be a moment of memory, of self-reflection, of realisation/insight.

I have always thought that I don't want my wife to give birth next time, for I would never want her to feel pain, to get hurt, coz her pain will be my pain as well. But now all of a sudden, I ask myself, is that a sign of weakness? In not wanting to face such pain, would I be escaping from reality? In such an idealistic view, would I even be considering what my wife wants? I think I ought to respect her decision ultimately. What are your views?